My thoughts..They get the best of me..
So I am once again wide awake instead of soundly sleeping so I can get up early tomorrow to spend a day with my parents.
I just can’t help it. I was pretty good until this week, I have been an emotional train wreck this whole week.
I feel so disgusting, I’m too fat. I’m not pretty at all. What little friends I do have it seems like they are never there, except one but I don’t like to be a bother or vent to people because I feel like a pest. So what I usually do is bottle everything up until I just explode from my emotions.
I have been doing everything I can to keep myself from cutting again, because I know once I start the habit, I won’t quit, at least not for a good while. I am lucky I stopped a couple of months ago, but it sure wasn’t easy.
Thing is, little do people know.. I am like a master now at hiding my true feelings I can be smiling from ear to ear, laughing and look like I am having a great time, while in reality I am falling apart.
I hate crying in front of people and that is pretty much all I have done this week, so I hide in the bathroom or in my room, then after I clean my face from tears I slap on that fake smile and continue through out the day.
I could be in the process of killing myself and still tell you that I was fine.
